Kendall

“Do you know who you are, Kendall?”

I nodded before replying, “well, ya, I’ve trained myself over the past 2 years to automatically think ‘daughter’ when I think of who I am.”

“Well, ya, you’re a daughter…but do you KNOW who YOU are.”

I stared back with wide eyes.

“Say your name.” But I couldn’t. If I’m being honest, part of me was hiding behind the title “daughter” without actually knowing it in my heart, and deep down I hated who I was at this moment.

This was a conversation I had a couple of months ago with one of my best friends. I was at a low point. I was struggling with some past trauma. And honestly, some really dark thoughts were clouding my mind. I was exhausted. Tired of fighting. Part of me really wanted to give up. And then I had this conversation. And I started to think about my name.

Kendall means valley of the river Kent, or royal valley. I feel like we often use “valleys” to talk about a low point we’re at.

My chapter for my 23rd year is Psalm 23. As I was reading Psalm 23 a little while ago, verse 4 just kept sticking out to me. It says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” The Passion Translation (TPT) says it like this: “Even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.” The valley of the shadow of death. The valley of the SHADOW of death. When I was younger and there seemed to be no way out of a situation, and when I was struggling with wanting to kill myself, my brain had wired itself to have a first response of going back to suicidal ideation. And if I’m being honest, that’s still something I go through. I know it’s not true, I know it’s not what I believe- that I believe that God WILL do what He’s said He will do, I believe that He is with me, I believe He will make a way just like He always has…but there just seems to be this shadow that can creep over me. But even when I’m walking through the deepest darkness, I am not walking in the valley of death- it’s just the valley of a shadow. And it appears as something that it’s not, but when you shine a light on it? It’s way less scary. That what I’m scared of isn’t actually there. It’s already been conquered. In the shadow, He is with me…and He has conquered the shadows.

I’ve come to really love The Song of Solomon over the past year. It’s the book that I’ve probably marked up the most in my Bible this year. But a lot of people avoid talking about this book. Almost like it was mistakenly placed within the rest of God’s Holy Word. But I believe that The Song of Solomon beautifully illustrates the mutual love of Christ and His church. And when I shared what God was revealing to me within Psalm 23, a friend of mine shared from chapter 2 of the Song of Solomon. In verse one of the English Standard Version (ESV) it says that “I am a lily of the valleys.” The Passion Translation says it as “I’m overshadowed by his love, like a lily growing in the valley!” If you go on, verse 3 says “with great delight I sat in his shadow.” (ESV) “Sitting under his grace-shadow, I blossom in his shade…” (TPT) That His shadow is greater than a shadow of death, and within HIS shadow, I can grow like a lily in the valley.

Psalm 23:6 TPT says “So why would I fear the future? Only goodness and tender love pursue me all the days of my life. Then afterward, when my life is through, I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!” The comfort of His love takes away the fear. In the moments where I don’t know what to do, or where to go, He has already gone before it. I can have joy in those moments, that even if things are unknown and a little overwhelming, I KNOW that He will work them for good.

In this season of my life, there’s a worship song that I’ve had on repeat. It’s called “That’s the Power” by Hillsong Worship. It talks about the power of the name of Jesus. And as I’m learning more about what my birth name means and the power within it/how it relates to who I am today, I want to always point it back to Him and His name. That the same power that rose Him from the grave is within me, that He has given me the authority to break down walls as I lift my voice. I believe that there is power in a name. I believe that there is power in knowing what my name means, in knowing who I am, and I believe that there is power in knowing that His name has covered me. For me to know that He has covered me, that God has called me His daughter, and not actually believing it with my whole heart? Oof. That’s the result of an identity issue. But joy is also the result of an identity issue, and as my pastor said it on Sunday, “I cannot receive joy if I am convinced that I am not worthy of my Father’s delight…if I don’t have a personal revelation of God’s character and heart towards me.” I cannot be who God has created me to be if I don’t first know and believe with my whole heart what He says of me. When God looks at me, He sees Jesus. And so every day, I want to see Him. I want to be looking for Him in every moment, in every detail. And when uncertainty comes, I want His name to be the power that gets me through, not a distraction, nothing but Him.

Oh, there's a name that levels mountains It carves out highways through the sea And I've seen its power unravel battles Right in front of me, yeah Oh, there's a faith that stands defiant It sends Goliath to his knees And I've seen His praise unravel shackles Right off my feet, come on 'Cause that's the power of Your name And just a mention makes a way Giants fall and strongholds break And there is healing And that's the power that I claim It's the same that rolled the grave And there's no power like the Mighty name of Jesus, yeah, yeah No power like the name Come on, there's a hope Oh, there's a hope that calls out courage And in the furnace unafraid The kind of daring expectation That every prayer I make Is on an empty grave And that's the power of Your name Just a mention makes a way Giants fall and strongholds break And there is healing Oh, that's the power that I claim It's the same that rolled the grave And there's no power like the Mighty name of Jesus There's no power like the Mighty name of Jesus, yeah There's no power like the Name No power like the Name 'Cause I see You taking ground Oh, I see You press ahead And Your power is dangerous to The enemy's camp, hey You still do miracles And You will do what You said For You're the same God now as You've always been, hey Your Spirit breaking out Your kingdom moving in Your victory claims the ground that The enemy had And that's the power of Your name Just a mention makes a way Giants fall and strongholds break And there is healing

I am Kendall. My name means valley of the river Kent, or royal valley. And even in the valleys of life, I will sit under His grace-shadow and blossom in His shade. For His name makes the darkness tremble, His name is above every other name. And because of His name, I am a daughter of the King.