Can't do it Alone

Over the past several weeks, I had been working on a pretty big project for our Easter services at church. It was something I was asked to be a part of and I was honestly really excited about it! The week that everything needed to be completed, I ran into a couple of problems. Things that I’d tested and had seen work suddenly weren’t working anymore. I got to a point where I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed and kind of exhausted. Brandon walked in to check on the progress while my emotions were kind of getting to me. I tried my best to make it seem like I was alright. I didn’t want to put any responsibility on him, especially when I knew he was exhausted from starting classes back up and all of the things. We went back and forth for a while- him asking how he could help and me telling him to just go to bed. He got to a point where he didn’t really give me an option, but he basically just told me that he was going to run to the store to get stuff to help me finish what needed to be done…at 11pm. I felt even worse. When he got back, he sat with me as I worked on other finishing touches and he got to work on the very thing that was overwhelming to me in the moment. It took me a while, but I finally let myself surrender what I was feeling and in the process I felt the Lord working in my heart. Marriage isn’t just meant for us to live in the same space while living out our own individual lives, but sometimes you need the other person’s help. It’s not selfish. It’s not wrong. But I felt like He was showing me something even deeper, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it as we went into our Good Friday service.

Brandon never treated me a certain way that made me feel like I couldn’t ask him for help, but somewhere along the way of me growing up, I got it in my head that I needed to be independent, do everything on my own, and not bother people for help. I feel like I find myself in that very same place with the Lord so often. The things that happen, the problems that arise- they’re all things I put on myself. They’re things I agreed to, situations I probably could have gotten out of had I just tried a little bit harder or thought a little bit more. And I love that all of this was coming to the surface as we stepped into Easter weekend. I walked into Good Friday with a different perspective of what Jesus really did on the cross. It was something I knew, but suddenly became even more personal.

He gave His life to save me. He knew I couldn’t do it on my own. He knew what I would grow up in, the anxiety I would face, the low moments where hope seemed so far out of reach. He knew the good moments I would have in the midst while still needing some help and guidance. He knew it all. And yet He never said “you got yourself into this, find your own way out.” Instead, He came in when I was at my worst and He said “I’m here to save you from the overwhelming thoughts and hopelessness” and He sat with me in it. But we didn’t just stay there. We worked in the sitting so that beauty could come from it. The product of sorting through the mess I found myself in so that we could use the beautiful pieces to give others a glimpse of His heart.

There’s beauty in Him sitting with you. It’s always been one of my favorite things about Jesus. And He still sits with me when I need to process. He sits with me and speaks to me when I’m in the Word. We still sit together. But it cannot just stop there. Because He has sat with me, because we have worked through the brokenness and anxiety that I once felt, I must then surrender my life. Our lives change for the better when we live the life of a servant. When we work with Him. When we say yes to letting Him use us.

SO grateful for my sweet husband. For the way he steps in as my teammate. For the way he lets the Lord use him. For the way he constantly shows me more of the Lord's heart through his actions and his words. 🤍