Give or Take

I’ve really been asking God lately to call me out, to challenge me, to change me.

I think in praying those prayers, I can sometimes fall into hearing things I don’t necessarily want to hear and then talk myself into thinking that I just misunderstood. I can have little moments where I start to mistake my wants for needs, thinking that if I give up certain things then it will lead to me missing out.

But there has never been a thing that God has asked me to give up that has led to me missing out. Not a single thing. Every time, giving up what He has asked of me has been life giving. Abundance.

I’ve been studying Matthew, and I just can’t stop going back to chapter 26. It’s the chapter where Mary pours out her oil on Jesus. She brings this oil, a YEARS WAGES worth of perfume, in an alabaster flask. These jars normally had long necks that had to be broken off for the contents to be poured out. And as the disciples see her do this, they ask her why she would waste it when it could have been used for other things. She lavishly “wasted” everything that was of value to her to show what really was of value to her. To her, this was far from waste. She knew what she was doing when she broke the jar- she was eliminating any chance of keeping anything for herself.

That section alone will challenge you- but when I studied further, I was overwhelmed in the intentionality of His word. Right after we see Mary give a years wages worth of perfume, we see Judas go to the chief priests and ask them “what will you give me if I deliver Him over to you?” You know what they give him? They give him 30 pieces of silver. He receives 4 months wages to turn Jesus in.

I think it can be easy to read those verses in Matthew 26 and see yourself as Mary instead of Judas. Judas, from that moment, sought an opportunity to betray Jesus. So, since I’m not seeking an opportunity to betray Jesus, that must mean that I’m pouring everything out on Him, right? The thing is, as I studied this chapter, I saw myself in Judas. It called me out. It had me asking myself what I’m willing to pour out for Him. Do I place a lesser value on Him than what He’s worth? Do I choose to receive something of lesser value due to my own selfishness? Betrayal is an act of deliberate disloyalty. So, maybe I’m not seeking to betray Jesus, because it’s not on purpose, but where does my loyalty lie?

I don’t want to want something more than I want Him. I don’t want to stay in a place when He tells me to move. If I ask Him to challenge me, and He puts something on my heart, then I want to eliminate any chance of doing something else. I feel like God has been putting it on my heart to fast. Not for anything specific, but just to be more disciplined and intentional with Him. And I know that through Him putting this on my heart that He’s also been showing me one of the biggest distractions in my life along with it. But if I’m being honest, I’ve been making excuses. I’m a big people person. I love my people. I love knowing what’s going on in their lives. And so, for as long as I can remember, I have been attached to any form of social media. Over time, it has become a comfort thing, almost like a hiding place. When I want to be distracted from the things I need to heal from- it’s normally where I run. I spend more time on it then I’d like to, I’m on it almost as soon as I wake up every morning, I’m on it throughout the day, and I’m normally scrolling before I go to bed. I don’t think that social media itself is bad, but I definitely know that it’s been pushing me further and further from where I want to be. But I’ve been making the excuse that I don’t want to miss out on somebody posting something that I should know or being kept out of the loop. And then came another challenge. Would I rather miss out on a friend of a friend posting something, or would I rather miss out on more of Him? Because if it’s something that I need to know from somebody that I’m close to, they’ll tell me in person or through text or on the phone. I don’t need to be in the know of anything and everything. I just want to know more of Him.

I’m taking back my life. I’m done messing around. I’m done wasting time. I refuse to believe that God saved my life for me to just waste it or make it all about me. If He put breath in my lungs, would it be used to bring Him glory.

So, I’ll be taking a break from social media for at least 6 weeks. I share this to hopefully challenge you, too. If God’s putting something on your heart- MOVE. Let’s be a Kingdom minded people. A people on fire for Him.