Free Indeed

I preached on breaking through anxiety last week.

If you’ve read my journals, if you know my testimony, you probably already know that I struggled with anxiety for 12 long years.

So when I found out that I would be preaching on this topic, there was brief moment where I was excited to preach on it. It’s something that I’ve really experienced- I never want to preach on something that I have no experience or knowledge in.

But then after a moment, it was almost like there was a weight on me. Part of me felt like I had no right to talk about this because I didn’t struggle with it anymore- like there was no power in anything I could say. Over the next several weeks, I found myself sleeping less, I found myself moments away from panic attacks, I found myself in moments where I couldn’t help but just watch as stuff happened around me and I felt myself spaced out or disconnected.

While prepping for this message, I did some research on anxiety. One of the things I found was an answer Google gave to if anxiety has a cure. The answer? It said “it’s a ‘natural part’ of the human condition, anxiety is not completely curable.” And if I’m being honest, there was a brief moment where I identified with my anxiety again. I could never be over my anxiety. But why did I believe that? Because it’s what I read. It’s what I’d been told.

It made me think back to the garden, after Adam and Eve eat the fruit and find themselves hiding from God because they were naked. But why did they feel the need to hide, how did they know they were naked? It’s what they were told.

And so I have this moment where I’m thinking “I’m still anxious”. I was filling my head with stories that weren’t true. I had to snap myself out of it. I had to remind myself of truth. I’ve seen God work in my anxiety. I can look back at the girl I was in high school and say that she is unrecognizable compared to who I am now. I don’t live every day filled with fear of what people will think of me. I’m not terrified of going into crowded places anymore. Honestly, I spend most of my time around people. John 8:36 tells us that “if the Son sets you free, you will be free INDEED.” The truth will set you free. If you embrace the truth, it will release true freedom into your lives. He has set me free. I couldn’t fall for what I was reading on Google in this moment because I know that the world only knows what’s natural, but I serve a God who is in the business of doing the supernatural. The world may say that anxiety is natural and incurable, but I know that it’s something I’ve been cured of. Even in moments where certain “symptoms” reappear, I know that it does not have a hold on me anymore.

There is so much power in what we read and what we say to/about ourselves.

The scripture that I preached on was 2 Chronicles 20. (If you haven’t read it, you NEED to. It’s one of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible.) It’s all about Jehoshaphat and these 3 armies that are coming against him and his people for battle. Not 1 army, not 2, but 3 whole armies- it is a great multitude coming against them. And in the middle of Jehoshaphat’s anxiety, he set his face to seek the Lord.

You see many practical things in this chapter that he does instead of focusing on his anxiety- they’re things I believe we can do to prepare for any battles that come our way, because we know that life will not always be easy. This chapter talks about practical things that we can do, a posture we can have day to day, so that when something comes along we don’t just settle for letting it affect us, but what we already have in practice will affect it. You see Jehoshaphat pray, fast, and surround himself in a community that will do these things alongside him. You see him declare who God is, ground himself in truth, stand firm, and WORSHIP.

And as the battle comes, you see Jehoshaphat step into it reestablishing truth- that God’s steadfast love endures forever. He goes into the battle with gratitude of who God is. He doesn’t go into it fighting a fight that wasn’t meant for him and tiring himself out in the process, he goes into the battle with a posture of worship. Worship is how you live, how you speak.

I said before, this is one of my favorite chapters in the Bible, and I’ve read it so many times. But I didn’t read it pertaining to anxiety until I was prepping for this message.

Can I tell you what really hit me this time? After Jehoshaphat and his army go into the battle praising God, you see all the armies turn on one another and destroy each other. The Amplified Translation says that these other armies were suspecting betrayal. They looked really strong and really big, but they were actually insecure. We see that in anxiety. It’s not as sturdy as it looks. It contradicts itself. Anxiety is the thing that tells us we’re too much and yet not enough at the same time. Anxiety tells us to not do the things that we love because “what if”, and then after the opportunity is missed, anxiety tells that we’re stupid for not going. It turns on itself.

One of the things I’ve been learning a lot over the past few weeks is about fixing the stories I’m telling myself. If an anxious thought enters my mind, I can choose to run with it, or I can choose to replace it with what I know to be true. I love telling stories, I love listening to stories, but I don’t want the ones that lead to contradicting thoughts. I want the stories that bring Him glory, because they’re not just stories, they’re truth to speak over yourself. They’re truth to speak over others. And even if a wild story that I told myself came to be, I still know that His word tells me of His promises for me. And so if something happens that hurts me, I know that He will use it for good. The truth isn’t the insecurity that is confirmed by imperfect people, the truth is what He spoke before I even took my first breath.

I know the discouragement, the shame, the fear that I experienced for years and years. I remember feeling like I would never know a life without the feeling. But as I talked to my friend the other day, I realized that I’ve lived equal years with anxiety that I have without. It may not sound encouraging, but that really got me excited! 12 years with anxiety, 12 years without. I’m on the up. I’m moving towards more years without than with.

He makes the impossible possible.

I used to always count myself out of supernatural healings, believing God could do it for someone else, but not being able to imagine Him doing it in my life. As someone who’s seen Him do it physically and mentally in my life, I am a testimony that if He did it in my life, then He can do it in yours.

I believe that what God did through my anxiety, He also wants to do through every person that reads this. The impossible thing that you’re facing, not even just anxiety, I believe that He wants to do something new through it and you.