Created for Connection

I read a devotional the other day and I wanted to share part of it with y’all because it really hit me. “There was a time in my life when I was the only one in my friend circle that was not married. During that time in life, there were moments when I would let the world make me feel like there was something missing, like I couldn’t fulfill the calling on my life because I wasn’t married but everyone around me was. But then God challenged me in a way that changed my life forever. I felt God say in my Spirit “why are you waiting for Me to send you someone when I am already here.”

I think for the longest time, I would always put stuff off until I was married someday. “I’ll travel to this place when I’m married.” “I’ll step more into ministry when I’m married.” “I’ll be more influential when I’m married.” And the list goes on and on. So when the plan for my life had changed, and I was back to being single, having to start all over, I freaked out a little bit. And I’m not going to lie, I had lost focus. I was hurt, embarrassed, distracted from God’s plan for my life.

I finally got to a point where I knew I had to refocus. I knew that if I was in this season then God had a plan for it. I knew that there were things that I needed to work on. And so I decided that I wasn’t going to waste where I was. Why should I wait for God to send me someone when He is already here??

I stopped waiting for “the one to come” in order to live my life. I stepped into my calling and started doing stuff that I always wanted to do without waiting on someone. I moved across the state to pursue my calling in ministry! I traveled to Uganda without a significant other! I can be influential NOW if I just let God use me where I’m at!

And y’all, this season has been so powerful! I’ve learned more about the love of God, I’ve learned how to truly worship, I’ve healed from past hurt, I’ve started to truly find myself, and more!

But how do you do that?

You can’t do that JUST by being single- it goes like this:

Love God | Love yourself | Love others

If God’s not enough for you, then no person ever will be. Your singleness is SO important for you AND for God because He wants to give you vision! In the beginning was a SINGLE person and your future relationship will only ever be as good as your singleness. You have to do stuff that will set you up for your future and perfect what God has placed in your hands. God wants you to be everything He created you to be BEFORE you come together with another person. You have to be self-aware. Take care of yourself, acknowledge your feelings, listen to your body, and RESPECT yourself! Maybe that means taking one day a week to just be alone, maybe that means taking more time each day to pray, maybe that means spending less time with friends, maybe it means knocking down the emotional walls that you’ve built up, maybe that means taking more time to RELAX and take things slow! It can look different for every person, but I encourage you to take the time to learn what it looks like to have a relationship with yourself!

As important as it is to have a relationship with yourself, being single does not mean being isolated! Being single does not mean being lonely! God created us for connection! It’s important to have people to encourage you and pour into you. It’s important to have people that can speak life into you or hold you accountable! Surround yourself with leaders, mentors, and friends!

Connection is not just about dating, but being surrounded by leaders, mentors, and friends is also really important when it comes to you being in a dating relationship! You need people in your life that know your heart and that can speak into your relationship. (Be open to what they have to say, it can save you from harm and hurt!)

Dating is NOT harmless! Be careful of the company you keep. There can be death to your purpose if you’re with the wrong person- 1 person/relationship can change the course of your entire life. I don’t say this to scare you, just to tell you that dating should not be done haphazardly. Your relationships hold power- that can either be power for His Kingdom or power to destroy you. So, don’t date just to date. The purpose of dating is marriage. And don’t enter a relationship out of loneliness! Dating and marriage don’t solve loneliness- they magnify it. Run full force towards God and let God show you the person that’s running the same pace as you, your relationship should shine and glorify God!

A way to make sure you’re not dating just to date is by having a list of non-negotiables! I don’t mean a list of: he has to be 6 ft tall, dark hair, wears this brand of clothing, etc. I mean a list of things that matter most, like: loves God more than me, shows the love of Jesus to those around him, respects boundaries, etc.

I saw a quote the other day that said “You can be the whole package and still end up at the wrong address. When this happens, the receiver will mishandle you because 1, they don’t know what to do with you and 2, they weren’t meant to have you in the first place.” This is why we don’t settle, and this is why boundaries are so important to have before you enter into a relationship! If you don’t have a standard BEFORE relationships, the relationship will give you the standards by which you live by. God is not holding stuff back FROM you; He’s holding stuff back FOR you. Let me tell you today that boundaries are not made to annoy you or hold you back from having fun, they’re actually made to keep you safe. The lack of boundaries leads to bondage. I know that feeling- the heartache and the shame. We were not created to feel that way, that’s what grace is for. If we are knocked down, the enemy wants us to stay down…but don’t fall and stay there! Can I remind you that purity CAN be restored back into your future! If you’ve made mistakes then that’s okay. Find somebody to talk to, find somebody to hold you accountable in the future, find somebody to encourage you- you are stronger when you go to people, not when you keep stuff to yourself. God wants relationship for you!

As a Christian, who you marry is really important, BUT as a person in ministry, it’s even more important! Your dream should not stay that way. Your dream should become your husband or wife’s dream! If I want to spend my life doing ministry, then I shouldn’t settle for someone who isn’t going to see that dream, encourage me in it, and then grab my hand and run towards it with me. If my future husband isn’t going to make my dream his dream, then he’s going to distract me from what God is calling me to do. In June, I got a cross tattooed on the side of my ring finger as a reminder-that if someday I’m going to get engaged, then the ring that is placed on that finger should not be covering my cross if the person that gives me the ring isn’t leading me towards a better relationship with God. I refuse to waste my calling and my life.

But that starts now. I want this season to be as effective as possible. I don’t want to spend this season trying to get a “preferred future” that I don’t really even know about. I want to maximize my singleness. And sometimes I don’t know what that looks like, sometimes I don’t know what I should be doing in that very moment, but it comes one day at a time! God’s timing is ALWAYS better- rushing towards something will cause you to stumble. (And that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong to like someone when you’re single, but don’t let it consume your every thought!) The more single you become and the more you let God maximize this time in your life, the better your future marriage will be for it. (And let me tell you, that if you give Him control then He’s going to bless you with a spouse and marriage far better than you ever would have been able to find/create for yourself.)

So for all my singles out there: run full force towards God, maximize this season, don’t settle out of loneliness, and learn how to love God AND yourself.

For all of my couples: put God in the middle, date with purpose, glorify God through your relationship, make sure there are boundaries, think carefully about your relationship!

For all of the engaged peeps: evaluate if this person is going to lead you well/encourage your dreams, remember that engagement is not binding, make sure that you have leaders and couples pouring into your relationship- don’t go into marriage blindly.

For the heartbroken or ashamed: take your time to heal, remember grace, know that God has a plan, get back up, and give your hurt over to Him.

Y’all are so loved.

Also, go check out Mike Todd's Relationship Goals Series!