ONE YEAR

In August of 2017, Texas got hit by Hurricane Harvey. I remember my youth pastor mentioning the opportunity to go and serve people during that time. I wanted to go- but I was about to start another semester of college, and I couldn’t afford to miss more time since I already had plans to go to Florida the first week of classes. Months before, I had felt a stirring in my heart to drop out of college and pursue ministry, but I felt like it couldn’t have been me that God was wanting to use in that way. So I ignored it, and then started to feel it again as these hurricanes hit, I wanted to GO.

Fast forward to September of 2017, I found myself in Florida for a worship leading conference. I didn’t know a hurricane was heading that way. And so I’m on this trip, and my heart just feels heavy. I was looking for confirmation- should I drop out of college? It was during this conference that God had given someone a direct word for my life, and then we got stuck in Florida as Hurricane Irma hit. That was all the confirmation I needed. I would finish this semester and then do more to pursue my calling to ministry. But I got distracted, I forgot about that passion, and by the time my semester was over, I was feeling discouraged. I settled into my comfort.

And then in September of 2018, I got engaged. From the moment I got engaged, I felt no peace. I thought that maybe it was because I never thought I’d make it that far in life or because it was a big life change. I was running from my calling, pushing it off to the side to get married. I was in a really dark place, struggling with anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. My mind had gotten so dark that it scared me. I knew that I couldn’t get married like that. So, in March, I broke off my engagement, went into a downward spiral, got called out for wasting my calling, and in May I came across Amplify. In the moment that I found the website, I just felt like I was supposed to be there.

On September 6, 2019, the day I was originally supposed to have my rehearsal dinner, I moved out to Pittsburgh.

I love that God brought it full circle. 2 years after the calling on my life, He changed my life in ways that I hadn’t expected based on the year before.

One of my pastors said something today that I felt was so fitting for this journal:

He said that where Satan tries to write you off and put a period, God will continue to add paragraphs. He is the author and the finisher! The chapter that you’re in right now will not end until the story is told. And a year ago, in that dark place, my story was not told. And it’s still being written.

Today reminds me that life changes. Change stretches you, whether it’s you going outside of your comfort zone or having your heart broken- either way, it grows you.

One year ago, I moved to Pittsburgh as a girl who was still struggling with her worth and identity. I was a girl who didn’t really even understand the love of God.

But today? Today I know who I am. And today, I’m stronger, I’m thriving, I’m healing, I’m learning.

So grateful for the opportunity to lead worship today, and just spend the day at church. There’s no other way to spend a day like this.

Also, I want to add this little reminder to encourage y’all to not be afraid to start over! I hear so often from people in dating relationships that are like “well, we’ve been together for so long and they know so much about me and I don’t want to have to go through all of that again.” Okay, I get that- but also, if that’s not for you then IT’S NOT FOR YOU. So if the relationship is holding you back or hurting you or just isn’t what God has for you? Then GO. If staying in your home town is keeping you stuck in your comfort zone then MOVE. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF A FRESH START!!

God’s got a plan for your life that is far greater than you can imagine. Let Him be the author.