Move

There's a grace when the heart is under fire Another way when the walls are closing in And when I look at the space between Where I used to be and this reckoning I know I will never be alone

There was another in the fire Standing next to me There was another in the waters Holding back the seas And should I ever need reminding Of how I've been set free There is a cross that bears the burden Where another died for me There is another in the fire

All my debt left for dead beneath the waters I'm no longer a slave to my sin anymore And should I fall in the space between What remains of me and this reckoning Either way I won't bow to the things of this world And I know I will never be alone

There is another in the fire Standing next to me There is another in the waters Holding back the seas And should I ever need reminding What power set me free There is a grave that holds no body And now that power lives in me There is another in the fire, oh There is another in the fire, whoa There is another in the fire, whoa There is another in the fire, oh I can see

And I can see the light in the darkness As the darkness bows to Him I can hear the roar in the heavens As the space between wears thin I can feel the ground shake beneath us As the prison walls cave in Nothing stands between us Nothing stands between us

There is no other name but the name that is Jesus He who was and still is, and will be through it all So come what may in the space between All the things unseen and this reckoning And I know I will never be alone And I know I will never be alone

There'll be another in the fire Standing next to me There'll be another in the waters Holding back the seas And should I ever need reminding How good You've been to me I'll count the joy come every battle 'Cause I know that's where You'll be

A couple of years ago I went to a conference called the Experience Conference. While I was there, my pastor’s wife had a direct word from God that I was supposed to be a worship leader. On the same trip, I felt that I was meant to drop out of college after the fall semester, to abandon my associate’s degree, and pursue ministry. There have been several things throughout this past year and a half that have made me lose sight of what God told me almost 2 years ago. Within that time I have been working full time and volunteering as a worship leader at my church. I was feeling that a change was needed. Shortly after, my pastor’s wife talked to me about getting more involved with worship. I was excited. I had just gotten a raise in work and I was going to be more involved with worship, maybe this was the change I needed. I felt okay with staying where I was, that is, until my youth pastor had a meeting with me. He and his wife were asking me about my plans for the future, what I was planning on doing in ministry, if I was considering going back to school, what I was doing to grow, etc. The uneasiness in my heart suddenly made sense, I wasn’t being pushed. As I walked around work the next day, I felt myself getting aggravated. I couldn’t do this for the rest of my life. But my church and my job needed me, how do I just leave? How do I leave the only place that I have ever really known? How do I leave my best friend? How do I leave when my Pop had just been put in hospice? The timing just didn’t seem right. I slowly talked my way back to staying where I was. Not long after my talk with my youth pastor, there was a worship night at my church. My sister and her friend talked to me after about me going to do an internship somewhere. God was stirring that desire back up, but where could I go? After going on my annual week long trip, the thought of Pittsburgh couldn’t be shaken from my head, so I looked up worship schools in Pittsburgh. I clicked on the top link and looked around on the website. It looked amazing. I filled out the application, hoping to learn more, and then I waited. The response took longer than I had expected, I was starting to think that maybe I was just meant to stay in my little area of PA. I felt discouraged. But that very night that I was feeling discouraged, I received a message that read:

”Hey, so the past few nights as I have been praying for you I just felt like God was saying you are a worshiper. I know we are all created to worship, but it was like He was saying there is something special about your worship that He put inside you. He loves when you sing to Him, and He loves when you write Him songs. He loves hearing your heart pour out through your worship. Its been on my heart to tell you since I heard that.”

They attached a song by Hillsong United that I hadn’t heard yet (Another in the Fire), but it was very fitting for some of the stuff that I had been going through at the time.

The very next morning I received an email from the academy that I applied for. I responded immediately and then decided to look on their website a little bit more. I saw that they had different missions teams and clicked on the link to show me what they were doing around the world.

If you know me, you know that I really have a heart for Uganda. There is something about it that I’m just drawn to, that’s why I sponsored a child from Uganda. So, as I wait for the page to load, I think to myself “If they do something with Uganda then I’m definitely in.” No sooner did those words leave my mouth, I found big red letters on the screen that read “Uganda”. I filled out the information for the trip, and put down my first payment, praying that whenever I got to visit this church that I would really love it.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I finally worked something out with my family to go to Pittsburgh the weekend of my uncle’s end of watch anniversary. It would be nice to be with my aunt on the day/weekend that marked 16 years since our lives were changed.

On Saturday, we explored Pittsburgh. I got to go to some of my favorite places, and lookout over the city that I had come to love. The next morning, we made our way into the city for church. As I walked through the doors, I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face. It felt right to be there.

I filled out first time guest information, grabbed a coffee cup that repped the church, and found a seat. It wasn’t long until worship began; they started with a song that I knew.

People Come together Strange as neighbors Our blood is one

Children Of generations Of every nation Of kingdom come

Don't let your heart be troubled Hold your head up high Don't fear no evil Fix your eyes on this one truth God is madly in love with you Take courage Hold on Be strong Remember where our help comes from

Jesus Our redemption Our salvation Is in His blood

Jesus Light of heaven Friend forever His kingdom come

Swing wide All you heavens Let the praise go up As the walls come down All creation Everything with breath Repeat the sound All His children Clean hands Pure hearts Good grace Good God His Name is Jesus

While I know that worship music is worship music no matter how old, I was excited to hear a newer song that I knew the words to. It prepared me for the message. Once the song was over, we greeted the people around us, and sat down. This week there was a guest speaker named Sam Collier. The point of his message was: God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. This was a message that I had been hearing a lot, so I wasn’t expecting it to be a message that I felt directly related to me.

What I took out of his message was this:

God didn’t rescue you for you to go back; He rescued you for you to rescue others. We get so focused on the “American dream” instead of the dream that Christ has for us that we miss out on the extraordinary. He didn’t rescue us for us to just coast.

Coast.

That word hit me hard.

I had been coasting. He rescued me time after time, and all I had been doing was focusing on everything other than His plan for me.

Sam’s message was wrapped up with worship. The last song that we did was one that had been an anthem to me for quite some time as I struggled with the season that I was stuck in.

I've been strong And I've been broken within a moment I've been faithful And I've been reckless at every bend I've held everything together And watched it shatter I've stood tall and I have crumbled In the same breath

I have wrestled And I have trembled toward surrender Chased my heart adrift And drifted home again Plundered blessing Till I've been desperate to find redemption And every time I turn around Lord You're still there

I was found Before I was lost I was Yours Before I was not Grace to spare For all my mistakes And that part just wrecks me

And I know I don't deserve this kind of love Somehow this kind of love is who You are It's a grace I could never add up To be somebody You still want But somehow You love me as You find me

Who am I To think Your glory needs my praises But if this borrowed breath is Yours Lord Take it all You are faithful and You are gracious And I'm just grateful To think You don't need a single thing And still You want my heart

Your love's too good to leave me here (You love me as You find me) Your love's too good to leave me here (You love me as You find me) Your love's too good to leave me here (You love me as You find me) Your love's too good to leave me here

If You want my heart I won't second guess ‘Cause I need Your love More than anything I'm in I'm Yours Your love's too good to leave me here Your love's too good to leave me

As the song ended, the pastor took the mic and did an altar call. If anyone in the room had felt like the message directly connected with them, he was asking for them to come up to the front. He was calling people to move. As he called people to move, time after time, I felt a tug in my heart. God wasn’t calling me to move to the front, but He WAS calling me to MOVE. God was calling me to move from my comfort zone to see what He had in store. His love is too good to leave me in the little area of PA that I needed to venture off from. I left church that morning with a huge smile on my face. I was scared and a little nervous, but more than anything I was excited to be filled with peace as I knew that in just a few months, this crazy city would become my new home.

After church, my family explored the area around the church. We got some good pizza, visited some stores with some Pittsburgh merch, and after a few hours, we decided that we were going to start heading home. I started to not feel so good, I think I was a little dehydrated, so I went ahead of my family as we walked back to the car. I felt someone bump into me, and looked over to see my dad. He wrapped his arm around me and asked me what was wrong. As I talked to him, I could tell that something was up.

“I didn’t want to tell you before church, because I wanted you to be able to enjoy the service, but I want you to know before anyone says anything…Pop didn’t make it.” Tears immediately started to stream down my face. My Pop was my buddy (as you can tell from other journal entries). I was sad, I didn’t really get to say goodbye, but I was also so happy to think about the fact that my Pop was where he’d been aching to be. And my first service at my future church was attended while my Pop was already worshiping in heaven. The fear of missing out on time with my Pop could no longer hold me back from following God’s plan, a plan that my Pop was so excited about. Losing him on that day was God showing me that this was where He wanted me to be. Losing my Pop on the same day as my uncle’s end of watch anniversary was hard, but also so reassuring. I’ve seen what God has done with the loss of my uncle, and I am so excited to see what He will continue to do through the loss of my Pop.

It’s crazy to look back and see how God has been leading me to this very opportunity for years and years. In 2011, I was just an anxious little girl that would go and stand on a stage in Christian coffee houses and sing about God. In 2013, music was the thing that helped keep me here. In 2016, my social anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t even stand on stage with my church’s praise team anymore. The enemy was trying to keep me from what God wanted to do with me. As bad as my anxiety was, I was more afraid of letting people down than I was of their opinions of me. In 2016, weeks after my final day of high school, I agreed to stand up on stage for my church’s senior day and give my testimony while also sharing music. That very same day, my pastor announced that I was going to be my church’s new worship leader. Little did I know that I would get to where I am today, but God knew with every step. He has been shaping me into the worship leader that I am today for years, and He will continue to shape me with the years to come.

I am so excited to see what my time in Pittsburgh will hold, and I am so excited to get outside of my comfort zone and experience the extraordinary! Prayers would be greatly appreciated as I go onto this new journey!

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